Martin (John Amplas), a young man who looks around 20-years-old, boards a train in Indianapolis, Indiana for New York. At night, he breaks into a sleeping car and sedates a woman with a syringe full of narcotics. She struggles, but he tells her not to struggle or be upset because she wont feel pain. After a few minutes, the woman falls asleep, and Martin has sex with the unconscious woman. Afterwards, he slices her wrists with a razor blade so he can drink her blood. The woman bleeds to death in her sleep.
In the morning, the train stops in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania where Martin disembarks. He is met by Tata Cuda (Lincoln Maazel) an elderly and hostile old man who claims to be his cousin from the Old World. Together, they travel by another train to the town of Braddock, a dying industrial suburb. They walk to Cuda's large house where he shows Martin his living quarters. Cuda then accuses Martin of being an 84-year-old vampire from his old country. He has taken in Martin because he is family, but tells him, "First I will save your soul. Then I shall destroy you." Martin denies being a vampire and implies that Cuda is merely his uncle rather than his cousin. Cuda then puts up strings of garlic on the doors to his and his granddaughter's room, and then holds up a small cross when Martin approaches him. Martin takes away the cross, and even takes a bite of the garlic mocking these attempts by saying bitterly, "There's no real magic... ever". Cuda tells Martin that he can come and go as he pleases. But he also warns Martin that he will kill him if he kills anyone in Braddock. He also tells Martin to stay away from his granddaughter Christine (Christine Forrest), whom arrives home from her job that evening.
Cuda introduces Christine to Martin, but also warns her to stay away from him. But Christine instead strikes up a friendship with Martin who confides in her about his vampire heritage. When Cuda later confirms Martin's claims to be a vampire, Christine, not surprisingly, refuses to believe either one. She thinks that Cuda and the other members of her family have driven Martin to insanity by making him think that he is a vampire. It is never revealed if Martin really is a vampire, or just a shy and lonely youth with troubled issues. Christine is the only person that Martin gets the courage to talk to. When Christine's boyfriend Arthur (Tom Savini) arrives at the house for dinner, Martin stops talking and backs away despite Arthur's attempt at a conversation. Christine later confides in Martin that she hopes to leave Braddock someday with Arthur, even though Martin points out that Arthur treats her badly and is both verbally and physically abusive towards her.
When Christine sees that Martin won't talk to anyone else, she buys him a phone which he installs in his room. Martin begins to repeatingly call a radio talk show where he describes what it's like to be a vampire. He becomes known on the radio as "the Count" to all the listeners. But the patronizing host (Michael Gornick) thinks he's just crazy.
Martin gets a job at Cuda's grocery store of stocking shelves, hauling boxes around, and even gets to be a delivery boy for some of the customers. One of his customers is a certain Abby Santini (Elyane Nadeau), who becomes taken in with Martin. She is a very friendly young woman who is depressed when she tells Martin that her husband is unfaithful. But Martin still does not have the nerve to talk with her, so she is happy to have someone to confide in with her life problems. Martin phones the radio show host to describe his infatuation with the housewife and senses that she wants to have sex with him. When the radio show host asks Martin if it is a sexual problem that he has involving women criticizing him during sex, Martin replies that he has never had sex with a woman who was awake.
One day, Martin travels by train to outside Braddock to look for victims. At a supermarket, he follows a young woman (Sarah Venable) home to her posh suburban house. He sees the woman's husband (Richard Rubenstein) leave for a long business trip, and Martin decides this would be the right time for more feeding. Martin returns to the house after dark and breaks in through the garage door. But it is Martin who gets the surprise when he bursts into her bedroom to find her in bed with her adulterous lover Lewis (Al Levitsky). After a vicious struggle, Martin jabs both of them with hyprodermic needles with narcotics, and waits for the drugs to take affect. He drags the unconscious body of Lewis from the house to a clump of trees across the street where he kills him by shoving a broken tree branch into his neck and drinks his blood. Martin returns to the house where he has sex with the unconscious woman. But out of compassion and pity, he decides to let her live.
Martin begins to have romantic monochrome visions of his vampire past (real or imagined), where he drained blood from a young woman and was chased through the streets of a nameless European town by a torch-lit mob.
During one Sunday at church, Cuda brings home Father Howard (George A. Romero) who asks him about the possibility of exorcism and demon possession. Father Howard calls upon the elderly Father Zulemans (Clifford Forrest, Jr.) over at Cuda's request. Together, Cuda and Zulemans confront Martin his bedroom and attempt to perform an exorcism on him. At this point, Martin remembers (another real or imaginary flashback), in the Old Country of people trying to perform an exorcism on him, and he flees them. Martin then flees from Cuda and Zuelmas as well. A little later that night, Martin terrorizes Cuda in a children's playground when he puts on a Dracula cape and puts false fangs into his mouth to pretend that he really is a vampire.
One day, Martin finally musters the courage to talk with Mrs. Santini during a routine delivery to her house where he tells her that he's aware of her attempts to seduce him and wants now to have sex with her. After having sex for the first time, Mrs. Santini becomes more depressed for she tells Martin that her husband just left her because she discovered that she cannot bear children, and that her desires towards him are based on sex and nothing else. But Martin wants to stay with her and help her move on with her life. Martin tells the radio show host about his affair with the housewife and that he no longer has the urge to attack other women.
Meanwhile, Arthur meets with Cuda and tells him that he wants Christine to leave town with him so they can get married and start a family. But Christine becomes angry at Cuda when he tells Arthur that insanity runs in their family and he shouldn't consider having children with her. Shortly afterwards, Christine packs up and leaves Braddock for New York with Arthur despite Martin telling her that Arthur is abusive towards her. But her mind is made up. Before leaving, Christine tells Martin that she really has no ill feelings towards him and just wants to make a fresh start with her life. She says goodbye to him and promises to write. But Martin knows that with an abusive and possessive man in Christine's life, she probably won't.
Depressed over losing his one true friend, Martin phones the radio show host and tells him that he's getting "shaky" and wants to go out looking for more victims. That night, Martin travels to a rough crime-ridden area of Pittsburgh and attacks two derelicts in a alley, injecting them with narcotics. He kills one of them by silting the bum's wrist and drinking his blood. Martin is about to kill the second one when a police car shows up and gives chase. Martin narrowly escapes during a long chase on foot which leads from the garbage strew streets and through a local store. Martin runs into an old warehouse where a drug deal is going down. A shootout between the two cops and the three thugs begins where all of them are killed, leaving Martin as the sole survivor who casually walks away from the carnage.
One day, Martin finds Mrs. Santini dead in her bathtub, after she had slit her writs with a razor blade. Martin anonymously calls the police to report the body and leaves. He phones the radio show host one final time to say that he really doesn't need friends or people to talk to for he is his own person. But when Cuda learns about Mrs. Santini's suicide, is mistakenly thinks Martin killed her and made it look like a suicide as he's done before. Cuda walks into Martin's room while he is asleep and kills him by hammering a wooden stake through Martin's heart.
Cuda buries Martin's body in his back garden, while over the closing credits various voices from people are heard talking to the radio show host asking the whereabouts of "the Count".
很让人割裂的观影感受。一方面有关于逃兵、俘虏、军令的现实思考和死亡、匿名化、杀戮、虚无的残酷写照；另一方面整部影片又被导演极其个人的表达欲望（黑白、顺序、蒙太奇、方言）弄得晦涩难明支离破碎。只能说这样的战争视角总比那些每一发子弹都能消灭敌人、每个人面对死亡都无所畏惧、每次任务都能圆满完成的叙事更值得鼓励吧
前半段挺好笑的，后面为了拔高而拔高反而没意思了…题材挺好，东北的葬礼风俗和人情世故，只是剧本太弱了（但演员还是挺好笑的
作为网络电影，崔志佳算是最用心的导演了！二手月季最适合为这部电影做主题曲了，太适合了！
一些坑没有填起来
感觉豆瓣对网大偏见很大呀。相较于佳佳的《烧烤之王》，这部《东北告别天团》有了相当大的进步，剧情的设计和反转都很巧妙，虽然仍然有很多导演不舍得放弃的细碎又无用的叙事，但是有笑点，有泪点，有温情，有转折，有成长，还有对边缘群体的关怀，很多笑点的处理也很高级，这部电影即使放到院线上映也吊打很多所谓的院线电影。
但是，我相信崔志佳尽力了。
还不错，表演朴实，剧本扎实。
还行 节奏还算流畅 虽然有些情节上很突兀 但喜剧与悲剧就在一线间 看到导演我感觉导的合格了
啥玩意都带上“东北”，真能代表辽吉黑咋滴？
没有预期的烂，还是有点内容，能把整部剧练成一起，不像以前都是拼凑的小品。
有深意的电影值得被关注，用包容的心、发现亮点的眼光去对待每一名真正改过自新的人。刀爷最后的鞠躬让人看着难受。
放在东北喜剧网大里看，已经很不错了。但它始终不是一部电影，更像是一部加长版的小品或舞台剧。
有想表达的东西，但是刑满释放人员重新进入社会的困难，罪犯的忏悔和救赎都没讲明白。主角和刀爷的重点故事也没挖掘透，没有一个人物塑造的完整饱满。但故事是个好故事，只不过需要雕琢。
有笑点，剧情设计也蛮亮眼的，就是刘平安和范大明白到底啥关系没看懂啊。
东北主体电影攒人的来回这几个人。
前半段很不错，后半段剧本还得再打磨。不过喜剧效果已经做的很好了。
佳佳可真t娘的是个人才，有笑点，不把观众当傻子，不强迫你硬笑。看够小鲜肉，这种剧情害挺有意思，挺喜欢。继续加油！期待以后你更多的作品。
还行啊，比宋小宝潘长江岳云鹏那些人的电影可强多啦，起码没太硬嘎吱你乐，有的桥段还挺逗的。我知道那些问题，背景那些破败的东北环境没切入一下太可惜了，葬礼这个主题没上升到大环境的表达，也没有深入讲讲东北丧葬文化等等……要求太高啦，网大要能拍出那些来，中国电影就神了。
整体来说挺扯淡的，东北风格，有笑点有泪点最后反转设计的也挺好，作为网大绝对够用了
故事还行，就是前面好像一直平铺直叙的，让人总想出戏，不知道为什么
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